The Psychology of Love – the Ultimate Luxury

February 29, 2020

by Christina Estrada
Ok, let’s talk about Love Baby. What is it to you? Is it just a four-letter word or used as a noun and a verb for displaying a seemingly romantic notion of emotional nonsense. I have witnessed many who claw their way to get to the one they say they love and try hard to be the one forever in the fairytale of life’s yearnings. Are we needing a display of ownership? No one can truly possess what someone else has in love, which, in spite of all efforts to keep love from waning it cannot be possessed. It has to land on one’s heart and come and go freely. Maybe love is the notion to truly desire and want to be possessed passionately in a never-ending cycle of give and take, push and pull dance creating love energy.   Psychology of LoveNow what is love? A feeling of ecstasy or attraction? Frustration and patience, until you have no choice but to stay in a long-suffering self-made vice through the rosy addictive dreaming of Cinderella stories. I take it that this is how it starts. We learn somewhere. Ultimately, love is like a kaleidoscope of something physical, mental, emotional and yes spiritual! So, let’s go there. Let’s start with your first need to be loved. Sustenance in the mother’s womb.  Sheer breath of life. Affection from the mother and father. Or other. Appropriate stages of learning and growth, which without much trauma or unpredictable bad news everything feels pretty good. Right? Sort of like building a company.

Can you remember a good memory or early feeling of love for someone or something? The wind on your face perhaps or the stroke on your head from a loved one, your grandmother for a soothing cup of tea. A favourite song or soft voice humming sweet notes. Uuummm feels like happiness to me. Oh, lovely now I’m wanting.  Let’s keep going! A good meal? Winning at a big sporting event or getting attention through the feeling of love from an admirer. Yes, even good old lust plays a part. The scent and sweat of anticipation!

The pain. We almost forgot the pain of love. Disappointment and heartache. Betrayal and denial. Suppressed feelings of hurt, anger, abuse or violence committed in the name of love.

Does it ring a bell? Surely this thing called love cannot be all it’s cracked up to be. I have been both an observer and a victim of love until I learned I was probably loving myself the wrong way.

Firstly, I must have done something right because a lot of people wanted to love me. Then of course there were many I felt nothing remotely equaled to what I could call love.  Let alone what I thought was real love.

All of this wanting is because we want love to enter our hearts so we can be happy, light and fun. Why then is it so illusively tricky and excitingly dangerous? There is a sense of discovery in the idea of sharing a part of yourself with another person, let alone your whole self, warts and all. The real problem starts with either sharing too much of yourself or not giving enough of yourself. How do we get the recipe right for the balance of love to come in the forefront at the right time?

Well, it’s a mystery really until you can find it in yourself first. Balance is the key and honesty. Somehow one must learn what it means to love yourself before bringing anyone else into the danger zone. So, how does that look? Ok listen up, it’s called letting go a bit.  Finding what makes us feel good, happy and loving it. Right? Well, that would be easy. What about when what made you happy is hard or tough or simply not making you happy anymore?  No one told us it would be easy. Ah ha! What is interesting is if no one showed you or told you, or perhaps gave you mixed messages of love, you might have a hard time being the guinea pig to love.

I decided to just do it! Jump in and discover what it takes to love unconditionally.

There is a happy ending just stay with me. I can’t pretend any longer. I have to be honest with you or you might accuse me of not giving you my best. Love is the ingredient that propels us into life. Again, and again in order to live. Thank goodness we got here to experience this sensation of pure heavenly bliss with all the trimmings that make life worth living. Sadly, it lies mostly in our imaginations and Christmas only comes once a year. So, does Hanukah and Ramadan. Without excluding all the other religions and philosophers and poets who celebrate the love of something or someone; God or whomever you might believe in to show us what the idea of that might look like. You must trust to become more beautiful in love, or hopelessness and depression could set in. Not a good look if that happens!

So, again, I decided to go and drink wherever I’m thirstiest. To feel alive instead of flatlined from love and listen to how I feel.  I realise that love is never wrong. Love only knows love from whatever stage it is in. Kindergarten to a PHD degree. “To love or not to love?” Is that the question?  I say not. It is a question really, as love bequeaths us to choose it. To understand the depths of what love can do to us must stay constantly stuck at a lower level of conscienceless and yearn for it. Psychology of Love Whether in love with the idea of love, with someone or not or about to leave them, I think this is where respect comes in. Aretha Franklin stepped in reminding men and women to respect themselves and each other or was it just for men? You could say you loved something but did something different than what love is. Without respect there is not love. And by not being honest with your feelings or respecting yourself how could another feel the vibration of a higher place to go with that love to someone or something else?

I must remind you that men and all kinds of men for that matter are beautifully sensitive loving creatures with very direct needs to be met. Whether Gay, Trans, Bi or other it takes a Goddess to ignite a God. So, to speak. So, read between the lines here.

‘When a man loves a woman (or whatever), nothing he can do is wrong’. When a man doesn’t he runs the risk of not completing his full potential as a human being and vice-versa. With a good woman who is aware, awake and otherwise, he must be awake and aware as much or more than she (or otherwise) to keep her interest.

Let’s not forget when the emotional ups and downs arrive. It would help if someone is there to support, if not, the risk of shrinking into a violet rejection of oneself. YIKES!!  I am talking here about a higher love. The kind where people are able to hold their values of what love does. It’s unrealistic to think we all can at the same time or there would not be schools of Religion, self-help books or good romance movies, right? Which, is why we need to look at our responsibility in loving someone who needs us once in a blue moon. That is why most bump into the ceiling or keep going round and around falling into the pits of despair when attacked or detached.  Love demands everything at once be present so love can survive.

Somehow something needs to balance out the yin-yangs and lower the pressure in the game of the game as it goes, perhaps it could get to the point of the dance between life and death and love and war. See the extremes starting to show. Don’t be afraid, embrace the extremes and choose what love looks like. If one can see the future way into the whole world pushing the nuclear button (PLEASE NO) or creating continuous wars (NO PLEASE. Nuking doesn’t serve anybody well. Including disturbing our sea life).

Does this not reflect the type of political fractions we create at home and abroad? So, are we not going to fix this or anything other than ourselves first? How? The Psychology of Love.

Do you dream? Ok let’s dream of a world with balancing by example, working towards clearing the way to loving our neighbours as ourselves. Who has the guts to do it and stick to it? Are you committed or are you embarrassed, aloof and afraid of your emotional response? Ever heard of Emotional Intelligence?  Listening to what the heart is telling you. It happens from practicing; it’s like riding a bicycle.  Let’s just say the intelligence of love knows the other way to reconcile without damaging future generations.

Love is patience love is kind. Take these words and use them! Often! Can we start with the basics and repeat?  I am in love with love. Always have been, but hey guess what? Do you know what to fight for in terms of love? To stand up for love. In that spiritual way. To defend love for the prime source that is. True love has many uses when connected with our inner being. It captures our inner knowledge.

There is a matrix to love and energetically we can feel it. To the point we can almost read the other’s mind, and feel without thinking. We adjust our EGO’s for LOVE. Have you ever made love to love? Like a trans state of being. Becoming one with love and expand it into the universe let alone a person. I knew a drummer who once had an orgasm whilst drumming. The music carried him away! Ecstatic love. Blending and integrating with the emotion of loving what you are being. Goodness gracious me. Imagine a shared experience of listening to the same tune.

Good, stay with me now. What if what you love is bad for you? Oh no! Are you ready for the rollercoaster ride?  Is responsibility in the room yet?  This is where the good and the not so good parts of learning come in. One must learn one’s limits. What? Did balance step out of the room. Warning: crash and burn etc. Does that sound familiar. Years of pain etc. Remorse after you loved the wrong person. Is that love or discovery? It’s part of our growth until you recover what that means. Part of understanding is what good feels like. What healthy feels like too.  Beautiful inside and out.   It smells and looks good, like respecting oneself does. This helps one to love better within the realms of a higher potential.

Sounds like there is a place for love to exist where you can be your authentic self and find out who you are in this world. What a gift. How exciting. Like something nice, if not, at least that is honest then acceptance says it is what it is!  Sorry, I don’t care if it’s easy or not, by the time you do get to the easy part you will start attracting different kinds of loving. Work out the challenges we were given by our parents and their parents and say thank you to them for bringing me my challenges for they gave me strength and taught me who I am and I can see the pain and beauty in life as it takes me to where I needed to be. Grow past someone else’s shit. Aaaahhhhhh …breathe, ok I said it. Yes, anything more? Gratefulness allows love to be in places you might not know exists yet, but we can hold that space and be thankful anyway. It changes everything!

The true ultimate luxury is rare and hard to find. Once found it never dies. It is the inexhaustible, and the basis under which we agreed to come here to live out our stories. Why? To make the world a better place of course!  You know why? We have no choice but to evolve, Love or die. The best part is you choose. It’s still about free will of choice after all, and our continued choices.

Our chosen environment to which we create from and evolve through is our home; Earth.  Think about it.  How we treat it.  What it gives to us. This awareness is love too. The Universe remind us of something more out there in a multitude of dimensions that we all go in and out of. Love the idea of where we come from.

Luxury respects balance between craftsmanship and integrity, giving it strength. Like any relationship luxury can signal comfort, or what feels good in our heart of hearts, therefore it cannot be fake.  The love of a true heart is precious. It vibrates out and is a conduit of love looking for a place to thrive on this earth!  A heart also needs to be appreciated in order to receive love and function well.  We are sometimes young, arrogant, tough or sometimes naive or thoughtless for a reason, we don’t know any better. Who is ready to accept themselves as they are? The next level of loving is waiting? Why do we stop loving if we value it so? Answer that question and you will love yourselves only in ways those who never closed their heart to love know. It’s the only luxury money cannot buy and the very thing that changes the hearts of others to love again.